Female Novel
Book 1 Chapter 42
Book 1 Chapter 42
It felt like a piece of my heart had been ripped out of my chest. Not only was the pain emotional, but I
could swear that I felt physical pain over losing Carter.
Cain put his hand on my shoulder as I continued to hold Carter's dead body and sob. He was dead
because of me.
Cain didn't say anything, which I was grateful for. I wasn't sure I could stop myself from killing him if he
said anything cliché or corny.
His men were silent as they took in the bloodbath in front of them. I didn't know why none of them could
feel the same tearing pain in their chest like I felt. It felt like a gaping bullet wound. I struggled to catch
my breath. Something was seriously wrong.
It... hurts.... so bad.... I gasped out to Cain.
I know, pup. It's part of being a Luna. Your bond with the pack members is stronger than it is when
you're a Gamma. You feel pack deaths more painfully, Cain's voice in my mind was apologetic.
Don't you feel it? I asked Cain. He seemed saddened by Carter's death, but not as intensely pained.
I've been the Alpha for over a decade. You get used to the feeling... somewhat, Cain rubbed my
shoulders soothingly. I couldn't believe how he was able to keep his calm during such a devastating
time. The pressure on my chest felt like it was going to cave in at any moment. We should get you back
inside. Clean you up. You'll get sick if you're in the snow too long.
My body felt numb to the cold of the snow, and Carter's blood on me was the last of my concerns.
Rose... Lily... I cried.
I know, Ares. They will be taken care of. I will make sure of it, Cain promised me.
After a few more sobs, I somewhat collected myself. I placed a kiss on Carter's cold cheek, and set him
gently on the ground. Cain offered to pick me up, but I shook my head.
Rage burned bright inside of me. The rogues had no idea what they just did. Because of them, a
woman lost her mate. A baby lost their father.
I summoned an axe, and walked over to the rogue that killed Carter. The knife was still embedded in
his forehead, and I was angry he didn't die a slow, painful death.
I lifted the axe high, and brought it down hard on his neck, severing it completely from his body. I did
the same with his other limbs, until his body parts were scattered around in red snow.
I moved to another rogue's dead body, and summoned a knife. I sobbed as I stabbed his corpse over
and over until his body was so mangled, his features were indiscernible.
I mutilated all of the other bodies with various weapons until the snow was coated in thick blood, and
random body parts were strewn about.
Cain and his men didn't say anything, they just let me take my anger out on the bodies of the rogues.
One of his men slightly gagged at either the gruesome sight or the smell of blood and decay.
One of his men carefully picked up Carter's body. Already, his skin was pale and devoid of any warmth.
He didn't deserve to die. If anyone should have been killed, it should have been me. The guilt was
eating my organs away like maggots on a corpse.
Cain picked me up and held me, and it felt like his arms holding me tightly was the only reason why I
didn't crumble into pieces. I had never felt more weak and vulnerable.
Cain disregarded all of the blood that coated my body. Some of it was Carter's, some of it was blood
spatter from the rogues. Mutilating their corpses only made me feel slightly better.
It hurts, I whimpered to Cain, who tightened his arms around me. I didn't deserve to be comforted.
"I know, mate," he whispered, his voice strained. "I can feel your pain through the bond."
He lowered his face into my neck. He ignored the blood that coated it and sank his teeth into me,
causing me to let out a low groan.
Thank you, I mumbled as I let the darkness soothe me.
--
One week later
I chugged from the vodka bottle, ignoring the slight burning sensation. I offered it to Gwen, who
gratefully took my lead and chugged some of it herself.
Gwen coughed after the gulps, and held it out to Rose, who also took a few sips. Rose handed it back
to me and I finished the bottle on my own.
Lily happily sat on Rose's lap, completely oblivious to the pain Gwen, Rose, and I all felt.
Since Carter's death, us four were inseparable. We all felt his death profoundly, especially Rose, who
was inconsolable. After the funeral, it seemed like she slightly made more peace with her mate's death,
but any idiot could see the amount of pain she was in.
Gwen had been best friends with Carter since they were pups. They had literally grown up doing
everything together. She punched 7 holes in the wall after finding out about his death.
Rose didn't want to stay in the house she used to share with Carter alone, and I didn't blame her. She
slept on the Pack House couch, Gwen slept in the recliner, and I slept on the floor. We had been doing
that for the past week. Rose woke up screaming more often than not, causing little baby Lily to start
crying immediately.
I often held the baby while Rose was sleeping, showering, or otherwise occupied. She had Carter's
eyes and nose.
I knew the only thing holding Rose together was her trying to be strong for her baby. That, and we
drank copious amounts of alcohol every night until we passed out. Getting drunk was the only way I
could sleep. Even then, I woke up often, often times dreaming of Carter's lifeless eyes looking back at
me as he died in my arms. I didn't tell Rose about my dreams. Gwen knew, and she often had her own
nightmares about it. Jax was also dealing with his own pain regarding Carter, after all, they were both
Pack Leaders, and stayed away from us. Cain was busy dealing with pack affairs, and wasn't around
for a majority of the day.novelbin
When he came back late at night, he would cradle Lily and sit on the floor with me. I could tell he didn't
approve of our excessive drinking, but he kept his mouth shut about it. He was handling Carter's death
the best. I assumed he was used to pack members dying. I couldn't imagine having to feel like this
every single time a pack member died, but Cain assured me that it would hurt less every time.
Right now, it felt like the pain would never stop.
Guilt consumed me every time I saw pain flash in Rose's eyes every time she thought about her mate,
which was always. Every time I held little Lily, my heart clenched in pain and guilt.
"I'll get another bottle," Gwen got up from her position on the floor and went into the kitchen. Jax had
been making sure to restock our alcohol supply, even though I knew he was taking Cain's side on the
anti—alcohol position.
"I have to go to the bathroom, will you hold Lily?" Rose asked and held out the sleeping baby.
I nodded, accepting the pup, who was wrapped in a small fur blanket. Cain made it for Lily and gave it
to Rose after the funeral. It was like the baby knew it was from the Alpha, and she fell asleep every
time she was wrapped around in it.
Lily woke up from Rose handing her to me, and she stared at me with her big blue eyes, so full of
innocence and wonder. I bounced her gently, and she giggled. She loved being bounced or rocked.