Female Novel
Chapter 32
32. Limits
YILEYNA
‘Obviously. There’s no way a wolf-less female would be worth anything more to me than to be an objectto use and discard when I’m done.’
His words rang in my mind, and I sighed as I locked the door quietly behind me. I looked around mycabin, feeling exhausted, and dropped onto the bed. His scent still lingered. I closed my eyes, notwanting to think about anything, but I couldn’t stop the thoughts from swirling in my mind. At times, itwas as if he cared… and then at others… I curled into a ball, taking deep, steady breaths.
I would not let it affect me.
A light knock on the door made me sigh.
“I’m trying to get some sleep. What is it?” I called out, really not wanting to talk to anyone, but I knew itwas Charlene.
“Open up darling.” Her soft voice came.
Sighing, I got up, unlocking the door and getting back into bed. I heard the door open and Charlenesigh softly as she locked the door, then sat down on the bed.
“I’m angry at you, Leyna.” Her soft voice came. I sighed, pulling the blanket down from my face andlooked over at her, feeling guilty.
“I know.”
“Theon, want to share?” I sighed and sat up; this was a conversation I knew was going to happen atsome point.
“Not really.” I mumbled, keeping my arms hidden under the blanket. I didn’t need her worrying over myinjuries.
“Since when?” She asked quietly.
“Since the festival.” I muttered, staring down at the blanket. I heard her gasp, and I looked up to see thewave of sadness in her eyes.
“Since then and you didn’t tell me?”
“He didn’t want anyone to know,” I whispered, feeling ever so guilty.
“But… not even me?” She asked, I don’t think I had ever felt worse.
“I’m sorry, I truly am my queen.” I whispered.
“When I told you he was interested in you, you vehemently denied it!” She exclaimed, as if suddenlyremembering that and frowning at me.
“I know! But I’m sorry… Are you… Umm, are you ok with it?” I asked, knowing that she had liked Theonfor ages too. “I know it’s stupid that I’m asking this now... After stuff happened…”
I felt awful.
“I want to say I am, I mean, I’m jealous too! But I’m just a bit concerned… Are you sure he’s serious? Idon’t want you to get hurt.” She replied, ending hesitantly.
His words rang in my mind, and I lay back down. “We have an agreement, it’s just physical.” I repliedquietly. Her eyes softened, and she sighed.
“You know, I would say go get it girl, and enjoy that piece of sexiness while you can, but why do I feellike you will get hurt?” She asked softly.
“I won’t, I know he considers me nothing more than trash.” I said, feeling my stomach twist at thosewords.
Then why was I allowing him to have me, when he couldn’t even respect me? I remembered ourmoment from down in the hold, the way he playfully tickled me and licked my foot. Do you do that tosomeone you consider trash? Maybe? I didn’t know.
Charlene moved over and wrapped her arms around me tightly as she slipped under the blanket besideme.
“Goddess, this bed smells of him!” She yelped.
I couldn’t resist the smile that cross my lips as I rested my head on her shoulder.
“Well, he did sleep here for a bit.” I giggled.
“Wait, did you do the deed in here?!”
“No, relax! We’ve only done it once.”
We didn’t do much on this bed, and what we did do, she didn’t need to know.
“Once? On the night of the festival?”
I nodded.
“Yeah…”
“So is he good? He seems rough if your neck is anything to go by.” She teased.
“I can’t believe you have actually kissed Theon!”
“He is rough.” I admitted, staring at the ceiling.
“Well, details! Since he is now claimed by my friend, the least you can do is share the details. Wait!Wait… is he big?” She whispered, I blushed and nodded.
“Yes, although I haven’t really seen it much, it was all just so fast…” I frowned, thinking we had actuallyonly fucked once… For someone who wanted to simply use me, he sure hadn’t taken advantage ofthat.
“Well, next time then.” She replied with a gentle smile, brushing my hair off my face before we bothsnuggled down, letting sleep come to us.
She fell asleep first, whilst I couldn’t help but mull over everything that had happened…
Night had fallen and I had stayed in bed, saying I wasn’t feeling too great. Ailema had delivered somefood, but aside from that, I had decided to stay in my room. I just needed a little space, if Patrick andValentin knew about us, then I was sure the rest of those from the Silver Storm pack knew as well.
I had kept my arms under the blanket, but I knew I needed to get up and make sure there were nosplinters from the wooden crates stuck in my arms. Charlene had spent most of the afternoon with me,but I had lied that I was feeling a little under the weather, and she had left me when night had come.Raiden had popped in earlier to ask how I was doing, but I hadn’t entertained him for long, just wantingto clear my mind and be alone.
The lantern cast shadows on the wall from where it hung in a bracket, the slight sway of the ship waslulling me to sleep when I heard the door open and shut, followed by the key scraping in the lock
My eyes snapped to the door, all traces of sleep vanishing, and I sat up sharply. My eyebrows furrowedwhen I saw it was none other than Theon.
“I’m not feeling great, I don’t have time to entertain you.” I said, trying to keep my voice level.
“Then don’t.” Came his short reply.
“I want to be alone.” I added icily, sitting up.
I frowned, looking at the two mugs of what smelled like coffee he was holding on a small tray.
Don’t fall for it.I kept chanting that in my head. He placed the two mugs down and crossed his arms ashe crouched beside the bed.
“Everyone is saying you’re not well. What’s wrong with you? You look perfectly fine to me.”
I gave him a withering glare.
“That’s because all you see is the fact I’m sat here with intact boobs and a vagina. That’s all you careabout.” I hissed, raising my arms and showing my arms that were still not fully healed from when I hadprotected his head.
“Now if you can show yourself out, I’m not in the mood.”
His amber eyes were on my arms, and to my irritation, he took hold of them, twisting my arms in frontof him so he could get a look at the injuries. He brushed his thumb gently over the part that had almosthealed, sending little tingles through me.
Not this time.I yanked free from his hold.
“Leave.” I commanded coldly, glaring into his eyes.
How could amber eyes that were such a beautiful shade, look so cold?
“No.”
He took hold of my right arm, frowning as he looked down at it, this one was worse. “Why didn’t you getthese checked?”
“Theon, you can stop pretending to care.” I whispered, pulling out of his hold. His eyes met mine, but Ilooked away, trying to mask my emotions the best I could.
He stood up and I lay down, pulling the blanket over my head. The hollow emptiness in my chest wasexcruciating, but I wanted him gone. I heard the door open and shut. I kicked the blanket off, rushing tolock the door, only to see he had taken the key. I clenched my jaw, irritation seeping through me.
Should I go get it back, or is that what he wanted?
As I struggled to decide what to do, the door opened again and to my utter dismay, he was back,holding a small box. He shut and locked the door, slipping the key into his pocket, only making me evenangrier. He placed the box on the bed, then without a word, grabbed me by my upper arm and tuggedme towards the bed.
“Stop touching me.” I hissed, feeling my anger rising.
Once again, he ignored me, opened the box and took out one of the bottles. Pouring some of thedisinfectant or whatever it was onto the gauze, he dabbed it surprisingly gently over my partially healedinjuries, making them sting.
I hissed and he paused, glancing up at me as if waiting for permission to continue.
“Don’t worry, I’m used to pain, I’m sure you don’t care if it hurts or not. Why be so gentle when you arerather brutal in general, aren’t you?” I snatched the gauze from his hand and roughly scrubbed it down
my arm.
My eyes stung as I reopened the injuries that were partially healed. I was clenching my jaw to stopmyself from crying out, but I just needed to get this anger out.
“Yileyna!”
Theon grabbed my wrist, stopping me from doing further damage to my arm. A flicker of surprise wasclear in his eyes.
“Then leave. You’ve done enough.” I spat.
I had never felt so angry at him as I did now.
“What I said earlier-”
“You like to hurt me on a daily basis, Theon, and we both know that I’m stupid enough to still put upwith you, but to insult me like that to someone else? That, I won’t tolerate. I may have agreed to givemyself to you, but I have not agreed for you to ruin my reputation. Now get the fuck out, seriously, Ithink I never should have ever agreed to this arrangement.”
His eyes flashed and he smirked coldly.
“I told you, once you’re in, there’s no turning back.” He tossed the gauze on the bed and stood up.“Think what you want, I don’t give a fuck.”
He left the room, the door shutting behind him with a snap. I cradled my sore arm, trying my best tocontrol my emotions.He tried to help me… He was cleaning my injuries…No, he was also being a dick.
I know, deep down, he had his hot and cold moments, but I couldn’t deal with it. Not right now.
Angrily, I pushed the box he had brought in onto the floor, not caring as its contents spilt across thefloor and I glared at it in anger. I hate you, Theon.
Turning, I threw myself down on the bed, refusing to cry. I turned on my side, my eyes falling on thecoffee that stood on the dresser.
For us…
Feeling guilty, I closed my eyes, trying to make sense of the havoc of emotions inside of me.I don’tknow what I’m doing, I honestly don’t know…
The following two days, I avoided being alone with Theon like a wolf avoiding silver and wolfsbane. Istayed with Charlene when I could, or locked myself away in my room after having to ask Ailema for asecond key.
Theon would train Charlene in the mornings, but I asked Raiden or Ryan to accompany me to watch aswell. Theon would make one of the men train with Charlene, but he too didn’t talk to me.
At times I saw him watching me, at others I could feel his intense gaze upon me, but I didn’t entertainhim. However, even then, the emotions coursing through me. Every time our eyes connected, I felt theintense rush of desire take my breath away.
Theon was a dangerous addiction and one I was consumed with. I knew if he tried, the chances that hewould break my walls once more were high, and so I didn’t even try to rile him up.
Even when Leto begged me to sing along to his sea shanty, I refused. Mom said my voice wasbeautiful, and she always asked me to sing for her when she was doing the laundry or
something. She used to joke that my voice was too precious to share with others. It wasn’t that I didn’tenjoy singing, but it reminded me of Mom, and I didn’t want Theon to get all possessive.
Charlene was made to stay in her cabin most of the time due to being in dangerous waters, apart fromthe occasional moments when she was allowed to come above deck or to train, she was kept inside,and I accompanied her, for the most part anyway.
It was obvious Barbara enjoyed this, she spent a lot more time trying to talk to Theon. He would reply,but by the end of the first day, it was obvious he had grown tired of her and made his displeasure clear.
Today the sun was shining and, despite the dark waters beneath us, it felt good to not have to layer somany pieces of clothing on, although it was still rather chilly.
It was early morning, and we had just had breakfast after Charlene had gone through more brutaltraining at the hands of Theon. I did see what she meant, that sometimes he seemed to look at her withhatred. But it was fleeting and I often doubted if it was just my mind playing tricks, but why wouldCharlene and I see the same thing?
I do believe he was just venting all his anger out on her.
The jerk seemed to have plenty of it bottled inside, I guess lack of sex might just be making himgrumpier. Although, I was sure if he wanted, Barbara was more than willing to cater to his needs.Although that made my chest squeeze, I was not going to let it bother me. We shall see what happenswhen we return to Westerwell, but right now, I needed some space away from
I now leaned on the edge of the ship. I was wearing a white top with a black corset around my waistand pants. I enjoyed the wind blowing through my hair, which Charlene had braided from the top
From here, I could hear the discussion Theon, Flynn, Aeon, Sam, Ryan, and Raiden were having, andit captured my attention. I swear this may sound weird, but my hearing seemed to be getting betterlately. ?
“I wouldn’t advise it.” Aeon murmured.
“We need to rest.” Sam said, sighing heavily.
“The ship’s port side has minor damage; we are almost out of supplies and I don’t think we will make itthrough without stopping.” Flynn added.
“I get that, but if we stop now, wouldn’t that just cause us further delay if we took a detour off route?”Theon’s sexy, emotionless voice came, a voice that made my core knot.
Goddess, please help me get over him.
“It might add a few days but there is a small island that we can stop at for supplies. It’s a pirate island, ifI am honest, but we do need to stop.” Flynn reasoned.
Pirate Island? I had a feeling they meant Bellmead…
“And delay us by three or so days?” Theon repeated, the irritation in his voice obvious.
“Well, there’s no other option. We need to head north-east from here, and then back en route to ThePurien Isles so-”
“I am not going to stop just for everyone’s leisure, we can survive with scarce food until we reach theIsles.” Theon cut in icily.
I frowned, Bellmead, so if he’s saying north-east… I looked up, staring at the mountains in the distance.An idea came to me, I pushed myself away from the boat edge and walked over to the group.
Squeezing between Sam and Ryan, I looked down at the map they had open before them.
“There’s a way that can lead us to Bellmead through the mountain pass; it’s wide enough for our shipand safer, plus it won’t take time from our journey or delay us, we will still be on course.” I put forward,pointing a finger to a narrow mark on the map.
I felt all eyes on me, but I refused to look at Theon, feeling his intense gaze upon me.
“Are you trying to lure us to our death? Going through a narrow pass… what if the ship gets stuck?” Hisicy voice came. “There could be a cave-in or a blockage on that route.”
“No.” I said, shaking my head as I looked up at him, probably the first time we were exchanging wordssince that night.
“The pass is wider than it appears, I have studied the rivers and seas around Astalion very deeply, myfather made sure I knew every route and I loved to learn about our ocean. That pass is not well knownbecause everyone avoids The Lifeless Abyss.”
“I have heard of it, now that you mention it.” Ryan frowned, as he looked down at me before massaginghis jaw.novelbin
“I think she’s right.”
“So, are we going to go into this on blind faith, just to save time?” Flynn added doubtfully.
“It’s not just the time, it’s safer. In a narrower setting, we will be more aware if something big is coming.”I persisted, pointing to the exit through the mountains.
“Look, Bellmead Island is here. These mountains do have a pass. See that? That’s our exit.”
Theon bent down slightly, placing his hand on the map not far from mine, his scent filling my nose andmy heart skipping a beat.
Focus.
“Are you confident enough, knowing that if you’re wrong, everyone dies?” He asked, now lookingdirectly into my eyes.
My heart skipped a beat, knowing the weight of the responsibility of this decision was not a light matter.All life on board would be on me.
“We are risking death by travelling through the Lifeless Abyss directly too.” Raiden added in mydefence.
“The difference is, I’m ready to take responsibility, is she?” Theon countered coldly.
“Unlike you, I’m not standing here trying to rush this mission at the cost of casualties. I genuinelybelieve that this would be safest. They say the Siren Kingdoms lay in the thickest and deepest parts ofthe oceans, by going through the river pass it’s safer.” I replied confidently.
“I may not have a wolf yet, but I am still the daughter of our Beta who-”
“Was a traitor.” Ryan muttered.
Theon and Raiden’s eyes flashed but I didn’t react.
“Who taught me a lot. Just this once, trust me.” I said quietly, now looking at Theon, he was the onethat was in charge.
I couldn’t read him, but he seemed to be considering it.
“The pass may not be safe.” He replied quietly, but I could see he was struggling with something
“I think we should do it.” Raiden said.
“What do you think, Captain?”
“Well, her logic makes sense, If there’s a pass.” Flynn mused.
“There is.” Theon said icily, his eyes on me as if sizing me up. But there was no anger.
“We go through the pass, we should reach Bellmead by noon tomorrow.” He turned and walked awayfrom the group. I felt confused, I had expected him to get angry, but he hadn’t.
“Alright, we are heading to the mountain pass! Towards Bellmead, folks!” Flynn shouted, before turningto me.
“Well lassie, I hope you know what you’re talking about.”
I nodded, hoping I was right. I glanced at Theon, it wasn’t like him to be so…quiet. He was standingstaring at the mountains in the distance, but it was the look in his eyes that made my stomach twist. Itwas almost as if he was thinking about something painful
His gaze flicked to mine, and for the first time since I had met him, his eyes looked… troubled. I don’teven know if that was the right word, but he looked… upset or something. But it was only there for afew seconds before he turned and vanished down the steps…