Female Novel
Chapter 0395
Molly's words keep ringing in my ears even after we have eaten. We were now on to our dessert. I loved ice cream, but today I couldn't enjoy it. Not when she had managed to make me doubt everything I've believed for the last few years.
"Why are you so quiet?" she asked as she set her milkshake down. "Are you thinking about what I just told you?"novelbin
The last sentence was said with a smirk as she leaned back against her chair.
"Of course not," I lied, "I am just wondering how I'm going to get Calvin and Gunner to forgive me. No matter which angle I look at it, there is no silver lining."
As a lawyer, I'm used to looking at things from different angles when I'm defending my clients. It's what made me good at what I did. I left no stone unturned and I went through every possible outcome. I did that with my case and I see no hope.
I may not have loved Calvin, but I knew him very well. He had given me countless chances and opportunities to get my priorities right. I didn't. Calvin is the kind of man who, once he's had enough, that's the end of it. There is no going back. There are no more chances. There is no forgiveness.
I could sit here and lie to myself, but I won't. I didn't have any hope of Calvin forgiving me. I treated him and Gunner like shit for years, how am are they supposed to get over that?
"Emma?" Molly calls, pulling me back to the present.
My eyes, which had been firmly fixed on the table, turned to her. "Yeah?"
"I know what I'm going to say is cliché but you have to listen to me," she began. "You will never truly make any progress until you forgive yourself. You're carrying so much guilt and regret. Both are drowning you, weighing you down and eating you alive. You have to let go. You have to forgive yourself first."
I heard her, but what she was saying was almost impossible so I stayed quiet.
How could I forgive myself? Doesn't she remember what I did to them? What I put them through? I wasn't just selfish; I was a cruel, unfeeling bitch.
Remembering what I did to them time and time again brings this sharp pain to my heart. I can barely breathe and tears start filling my eyes. The weight of my mistakes have shredded me to so many pieces that I don't know how to stitch myself back together.
I wish it was as easy as snapping
et
my fingers, but it wasn't. Not when you made the kind of mistakes I did. Can I even call them mistake? A mistake is when you accidentally dial the wrong number or knock on the wrong door. What I did wasn't a mistake; it was the annihilation of Gunner and Calvin's heart. There
wasn't sugar coating my
wretchedness.
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"Emma, Emma," Molly whispers all over sudden while tapping my hand with urgency.
"What is it?"
"Don't look, but Calvin just walked in with Gunner and some woman," she said.
I couldn't help it, I turned around and looked.
She, literally flung herself over the table and grabbed my head before making me look at her.
"What the hell are you doing? I told you not to look!" she hissed at me.
"What was I supposed to do? You can tell me not to look and expect me not to look," I fired back.
My heartbeat had quickened to an alarming rate. Before Molly pulled my head back, I had managed to see who the woman was. It's the same
woman he came with as a plus one on Ava's wedding day. Content
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I discretely turn around and watch as he slowly pulls out a chair for her. He was smiling wide at her, a smile that had never been directed at me before.
Something uncomfortable settles in my heart, and I rub my chest in an effort to get rid of it. What the hell is going on?
"I need to use the bathroom," I tell Molly out of the blues, then stand up and leave before she can ask me if I want some company.
Instead of heading straight to the
washroom, I head towards an empty table. It was near the one where Gunner and Calvin were currently settled. Using the menu hasa shield, I spy on them.